well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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