I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
