Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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