We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have fence marks all over my body
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
