i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
