it was like his penis was on wheels.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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