my sisters under your porch take her home
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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