Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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