so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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