he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The air was thick with penises
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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