well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
