When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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