Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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