Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
