you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am mentally ready for anal.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize