I can text with my tongue
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
