I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
