before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
