i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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