I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
