until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
