my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
