in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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