She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
