Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
