She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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