So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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