tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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