My cat gives me a boner
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
