I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
