I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
