Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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