I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
