Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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