I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
