hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
