that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
