Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
