is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i've created a new STD.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
