This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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