Im at strip club and am horny
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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