I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
whose parrot is this?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
