Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
