The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
