watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
