marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
