so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
