I can't watch pbs sober anymore
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
