So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
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It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
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He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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