Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
