lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.