Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  I will die if light touches me.

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  (206): I will die if light touches me. http://tfl.nu/jner
  Replies (18) Good night (1262) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?

  (325): View more from Texas

  Because you touch yourself at night.

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  (480): Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working? (325): Because you touch yourself at night. http://tfl.nu/lm5u
  Replies (14) Good night (3198) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator

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  (310): she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator http://tfl.nu/t2x8
  Replies (16) Good night (648) Bad night (3236)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.

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  (972): Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high. http://tfl.nu/x6pp
  Replies (16) Good night (6767) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?

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  (908): why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it? http://tfl.nu/3moc
  Replies (52) Good night (1862) Bad night (4777)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.

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  (315): His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians. http://tfl.nu/73dw
  Replies (13) Good night (6206) Bad night (1624)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.

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  (916): But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening. http://tfl.nu/sf5x
  Replies (2) Good night (988) Bad night (1478)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.

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  (425): I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking. http://tfl.nu/k8z0
  Replies (4) Good night (1982) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...

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  (317): His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip... http://tfl.nu/pj0o
  Replies (7) Good night (1691) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica

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  (740): The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica http://tfl.nu/yubm
  Replies (4) Good night (1102) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision

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  (404): i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away. (912): I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision http://tfl.nu/a7l8
  Replies (5) Good night (1120) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?

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  (201): Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion? http://tfl.nu/hwen
  Replies (8) Good night (1036) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant

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  (217): yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant http://tfl.nu/oubr
  Replies (4) Good night (600) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.

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  (907): I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams. http://tfl.nu/1yko
  Replies (2) Good night (529) Bad night (210)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  But there's never enough margarita money.

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it

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  (321): But there's never enough margarita money. (1-321): This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it http://tfl.nu/kuzp
  Replies (0) Good night (507) Bad night (188)

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