Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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