In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.