i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
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My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
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I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight