if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
