Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
