I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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