I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
