plz talk dirty to me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
not ubering you a puppy
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
