how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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