i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
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had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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