I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i black out too much to be "responsible"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
