kristin has been a bad kristin
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
this hospital has no fireball
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
