I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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