go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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