I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
