My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
